Discernment...

The true definition of discernment is : : the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure 

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: an act of perceiving or discerning something

Discernment is a term used to describe the activity of determining the value and quality of a certain subject or event. Typically, it is used to describe the activity of going past the mere perception of something, to making detailed judgments about that thing. As a virtue, a discerning individual is considered to possess wisdom, and be of good judgement; especially so with regard to subject matter often overlooked by others

When I began my clinicals as I studied nursing last year I think it was the first time I ever truly felt discernment. All my life I've felt things on a different level than most people. I can identify and pull from the emotions that others feel and almost put myself in their shoes or see things from their eyes if I just allow myself. 

My first day in the nursing home was eye opening in many ways. I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness in truly caring for others at their worst point but I also felt the weight of the situation. I wondered what it would feel like to be trapped inside your mind living your last days. I fed people that couldnt speak or do for themselves.. but I still saw the twinkle in their eyes and I wanted to know what stories they had to tell. I walked into rooms and saw photos of my patients in their youth with so much vigor, and I wondered... what happened. Did they have the desire to tell me and relive those moments. I saw other nurses that were so short and abrupt with their patients. And I made a promise to myself that I would never become that person. The person so far removed from reality that they stopped caring. 

When I left that day, I left forever changed. Its not something I discuss much but a feeling thats constantly there.  And its not necessarily bad thing. I feel the pain of others emotions when they are in distress but I also feel the joy in peoples laughter and smiles. I feel the innocence of children. I feel the compassion in elderly people that have lived through many things. As I embark on this new chapter with finishing school the motivation I feel is beyond what I can put into words. No one can tell me Im not meant to be a nurturer and to heal and to be the one that comforts people through tough times. Its a spiritual feeling almost. Like God is telling me this is the path I've created for you.