DANCE BABY!!!! Random Volume 3

The more I blog the more therapeutic it becomes for me.
I've been doing alot of thinking lately about what people are really passionate about. What drives you? What makes your soul wake up?

Everyone that knows me knows I want this nursing degree so bad I can taste it, and Im super close to that.....BUT

If I wasnt pursuing a career in nursing you know what I would be??

a mothafuckin dancer. Like an ABDC, so you think you can dance bad ass type of chick pop lockin, breaking, doing mj moves and flipping over rows of 7-8 people, snaking and than crump dancing to the end of the stage like WHAT. That shit EXCITES me. I already know the whole scenario for Rihanna where have you been and I give you a real show!

Ok I got that off my chest. I feel better,
But on another note who's to say I cant be that? Whats stopping me? Nothing but me really. If I wanted to go out and pursue that I could do it. But its that fear of the unknown. what would happen could I make it? I would love to drop all my books and just dance, dance til it hurts, dance til I can barely catch a breath. But that reward and satisfaction at the end of captivating your audience and also challenging yourself to do moves you maybe thought you couldnt pull off. But you do it, you keep getting up and perfecting your moves until one day you have it down pat and you're damn near perfect.

So where is the market for a tall slim 32 year old in shape woman that wants to get the fk DOWN and do backflips and shit. LOLLLLLL. No one will take me seriously so I guess I just got to join a dance program and we get better and better, than you gonna look and see me doing choreographed moves with Rihanna and Beyonce..  Throw me up in the air and I promise I'll land on my feet.Im trying to get down with rhythm nation and step and do all types of shit.
A girl can dream cant she? LOL


Until than

Love.....

Good Deeds.....

Its memorial day weekend and I find myself not doing the usual this holiday. No cookouts, no parties, not hanging out with my friends. Just relaxing. My daughter is gone for the weekend and wont be back til Monday. :(

Anyhow today I made myself some stir fry and popped in Good Deeds by Tyler Perry.
.When Kane got shot in Menace II Society, When E.T left Gerdie and got on that ship to go home, Yeah I know we ALL cried...But I have NEVER in all my life cried this much over or through any movie.

I think I identified so much with the role Thandie Newton played and I saw so many similarities in my life that it just hit a little too close. It inspired me dont get me wrong but it was just crazy....


 I mean here we have a woman in her 30's with a 6 year old daughter that life just threw a ton of curveballs at. She lost her place, had to start from the bottom all over again. .That =.....ME
I've had the loss of my home. I've been that woman in the broken down car just frustrated with life and a crying daughter in the back seat. I've had those days where everything seems to be going wrong. Daughter is dropped off late to school because of car problemsand it just seems like you cant WIN. And that frustration can come across as attitude to others because you feel like no one understands what you're feeling. The movie was so eerily similar that I had the O_O look a few times like say what???

But you have to be strong through all of that and realize those days wont be around forever. When you're going through it though, its SO hard to see the brighter picture.
Im at the rebuild point NOW with school and acquiring some of the things I lost... but I experienced so much of what she did with the exception of being homeless or having to sleep in my car. *Prayers up that I never get there and thank God for a big family.

Anyhow it was an awesome movie. A tear jerker but great none the less, touching for me. Maybe one of the most touching movies I've personally watched. So at the end she found her dream man and moved to Africa. Im all for the dream man but I prefer to stay in the states.  :)

I've got a headache now so Im gonna lay it down and pop in Safehouse with Denzel and try to get some rest.

Until than....

Random thoughts - Volume 2

Im a whirl wind of thoughts as always. Today a bit more than usual.
When I have too many random thoughts I can never settle on what I want to blog about so I just jumble it into one.


I had a ton of music therapy today. You ever listen to music and it makes you feel so good you feel a tingle up your spine? Yeah...its been like that. I dont go a day without listening to music but some days I feel it more than others. Today I listened to Rihanna- Where have you been, Adele- Rumour has it, Sade- Kiss of Life, Drake- The Resistance, Rare Essence- Pieces of Me, Tribe Called Quest- Electric Relaxation, Flo-Rida and Sia- Wild ones, Main Source- Lookin at the front door... just a little of everything. And it felt amazing.  I put my itunes on shuffle and close my eyes, sing, rap, or depending on the song I get up and dance. What can I say. Im a ball of energy.

My daughter and I are super close. But recently over the past few months our bond has been closer. Not sure if its been because Im coming out of whats been a stressful period in my life or maybe just her getting older and us being able to do more together but all I know is she brightens my day. I see the twinkle in her eyes and I sit back and watch her.  Im just in awe that I created such a wonderful amazing gift. And its an unexplainable love.

Happy tears-
 I'm an overly emotional person but not necesarily in a bad way. I have alot of happy tears. When something makes me extremely happy I cry which can be kind of weird. When the underdog wins; I cry. When deserving people have lifechanging events or win things; I cry.  Doing for the homeless; yeah I get a bit misty eyed after I give. Weddings, Childbirth, Church sermons, Movie endings, Awesome performances from my favorite artists- YUP

I cry. Im just over emotional. Sorry

In my last random blog I was thinking about how long I've been trying to gain weight. For atleast 10 years I've been trying to change ME. And I remember thinking how we're our own worst critics. So it led me to think how about just being happy with who you are and not always wanting to constantly change. I dont think we or atleast ME...I dont think I realize how much I constantly beat myself up about things that arent even important.

Im 5'10. Im 137 and Im fine just the way I am....

How to fuck up some cake pops. By... ME

Alright, so I got this bright idea in my head that I wanted to try to make these cute little cake pops you see all over the place now. They all the rave and just so ADORABLE. I mean its cake on a lollipop stick. Doesnt get much cutesier.

This is a stock photo of how cake pops are SUPPOSED to look...









SO I went out and got all the ingredients. My cake mix, icing, cake pan, oil, eggs,styrofoam board to stick the cake pops in, candy sprinkles, chocolate melts and pearls to sprinkle on my BEAUTIFUL magazine worthy cake pops right?

Yeah we'll start with what went right and than segway real quick into the end result.
I took step by step pictures for you bishes and when I saw the end result. I decided to scrap all that.

Here's all the stuff I did in no particular order.

What went right was making and baking the cake, and melting the chocolate and making them into balls and putting them on the cookie sheet. LICKING the bowl also went excellent. Everything else was a downhill slide.
BELOW is how they turned out.

LOOK at my fuckin cake pops son. Just LOOK  o__O

They just started going down about 2 minutes after I sat them upright in the styrofoam. My daughter said LOOK mama your pake pops are crashing!!!! I said whuh??
She said CRASHING and sure enough they were dropping like a plane that lost its engine. I tried picking one up and sliding it back up to the top and no sooner than I did that another one slid down so I tried to slide that one up and than they both just crumbled apart and so did 3 more...

It was just BAD man. Who are these little cutesy chicks making these bite size cupcake pops?? Martha stewart?

Its ok though I'll try again and I'll succeed. Anyone who knows me knows I dont give up easy.


Until than

Natural Hair- Two Strand Twist and Bantu Knot *UPDATED*

Ok so Im keeping it short and simple today. Im almost 2 years natural but I always wear my hair blown out and flat ironed.

 Today I co-washed it with olive oil leave in conditioner. Here's a pic of it after its been washed. This is my true natural texture.  =/

 I than added Eco styler gel to my whole head.

 I finger sectioned it and two strand twisted those sections.

Here's a length check. You can see how much shrinkage I have once the water hits. Its crazy

Afterwards I than did a bantu knot on each twist.

Now I have my hair tied up with a silk scarf so it can dry and I can take it out in the morning and hopefully it will be all crinkly and curly and awesome looking. Idk though. For right now my hair looks like sheep ass.

We'll see how it comes out in the morning when I undo the twists.

This is the look Im going for.  HOW MUCH YOU WANNA BET I LOOK LIKE WHO DID IT AND WHY OR BUCKWHEAT IN THE AM!!!!! TAKING ALL WAGERS. LOL
When I take it aloose in the am Im gonna post a pic right than and there. nothing to hide round these parts. so.......

GOODNIGHT

UNTIL THAN

PEACE, LOVE, AND HAIR GREASE 

Ok so I woke up this am and took out the bantu knots and twists... I dont know man. But here's a few pics. Looks more like spiral curls than a super crinkly twist out.  But I "THINK" I kinda like it.    :)

Randomness - Volume 1

I have a ton of topics I want to blog about but I cant settle on one in particular tonight.

But I always have randomness shooting through this head of mine.

Basketball wives- Tami vs Kesha

Ok....Tami was just 100% wrong. She was in super bitch mode for absolutely no reason. She bullied Kesha. I wish a grown ass woman would take my bag and than tell me I have to come apologize and ask for it back. Not only did Tami take her bag but she went through her purse and cell phone. I think Tami definitely lost alot of fans tonight. At this point her drama is way too pressed like she just wants to remain relevant and secure her slot for next season. And than Shaunie, Evelyn, and Suzie sit back and dont even tell her she's in the wrong for screaming on Kesha like that AND holding her bag hostage? I mean damn are they scared too?  I guess some people really are meek and mild mannered like Kesha but there is NO way I could let someone pull that bullshit Tami pulled. It would have went completely different had I been in that situation with anyone.Seriously I wish a bitch would.

Weight gain- I had a brief discussion with someone who is in the same boat as me! LOL
Someone thats trying to gain weight. That was comforting in itself to find somoene that knows my little personal struggle. Because trust me NO ONE wants to hear the slim chick say she is trying to gain. Your friends will give you the side eye and say whatever bish everyone wants to be your size.

NEWS FLASH= there are some slim people that dont love it!! Anyway she gave me some good ideas for shakes made with milk, heavy whipping cream and chocolate syrup. Im gonna try it tomorrow and do it for a month to see what happens and I'll track my weight progress. Right now Im 5'10, 135 lbs and my goal is 150 lbs.

 I think it comes down to you being your own worst critic. We're always (well most of us) trying to change something about ourselves, when maybe we should just be fine with the way we are.

Hmmmmm.... I could go deeper with that. That may be a whole blog in itself.


LaLa----- I really like Lala and her show, but Im wondering why her eyeballs never move. They just stay focused on you. No left or right movement. Next time you watch the show YOU WILL SEE WHAT I MEAN.

Complete randomness....

*I worked out a formula for nursing dosage calculations on how to do dose ordered over dose on hand and calculating doses. Its not the way the teacher shows us or the way the book teaches but it works in my mind and the answer comes out correct. So thats a good thing. Anything school related and good grades makes me proud. I Hi-5 my own damn self

*Someone I thought was a real friend showed me their true colors today. But its all good.

*I can be longwinded but I just want to make sure people understand all angles when Im trying to tell a story or get my point across.

*Watching your child sleep is one of the most beautiful things ever....

*I got my toes done last Wednesday and I got this God awful ELECTRIC BLUE. Idk what I was thinking. Its a pretty color but not for toes. =/

*I could really go for some PF changs lettuce wraps right now. And a piece of pumpkin cheesecake from Cheesecake factory....and a glass of coca cola... and some hibachi scallops.

*Dont let me get rich. I would have my assistant running all over late night just to satisfy food cravings. Im not rich though so let me go warm up this plate of spaghetti and fried apples.

Until than

LOVE....

THE LUST LIST- Jewelry

What woman doesnt like jewelry? We all need good quality jewelry to wear and keep forever. Here are a few things I have my eye on. No rules really apply in this category because I dont care where my jewelry comes from as long as the diamonds are real. These are a few pieces I need to pick up here and there that I really want. Prices can range from bitch please to not bad at all. A $200 diamond necklace can look just as good as a $2000 necklace. Only you know how many carats you rocking. As long as it blings and looks like a nice quality piece. I dont really care about the price.

Tiffany Toggle Bracelet- This is cute. Every girl loves the Blue box from Tiffanys. I like this because its stylish but can still be worn as an everyday piece.

A nice pretty diamond necklace. Been wanting to get one of these for awhile and I really dont know why I havent yet. I like love, I like hearts so this is pretty and being two tone makes it versatile enough to wear with anything.

Circle diamond necklaces. Cute, classic, simple, beautiful. This one is extra cute because it has both the heart and circle.

Im a little obsessed with the word Love so getting a love bracelet or necklace would probably be overkill for me. But I ADORE this Love ring. I would rock that on my finger in a heartbeat because its cute, its different, its subtle, not like having a big ass flavor flav LOVE neckpiece hanging from my neck....and I dont know anyone that owns a Love ring.

Infinity necklaces. I like these because they represent forever, But I prefer vertical infinity necklackes becauses the horizontal ones look like a pair of sunglasses to me.  Dont they?

Maybe I'll pick up a piece of jewelry for my birthday. Actually maybe I wont buy myself anything for my birthday. I'll just hang out with the people I love.

No buying jewelry until what??????   Until I get that degree   :-D

A girl can lust over diamonds though cant she?

Until than

iNsOmNiA o_O

Its 3:48 am and Im wide awake dealing with the same ol insomnia bull that I have been dealing with for years now. Im really trying to get through this but nothing seems to work. So why not find something to do. I got a million thoughts running through my mind as always and I was tossing and turning. I laid here in the dark looking stupid in the face since I first tried to go to bed at midnight. This is a daily battle for me. I havent been to sleep since than =/

Im tempted to go downstairs and get some oreos and milk so I can dip em. I love snacking on things late at night.


I used to take Ambien to help me sleep and it helped- I mean it got the job done but it also caused me to black out and not remember anything after I take one.You know that 2% of people that get the crazy side effects of a medication....well Im one of them. If someone called or started texting me right after I took one I wouldnt remember our conversation the next day and I would talk out of the side of my head about off the wall shit that makes no sense. Someone recommended tylenol pm but I dont wanna take pain meds for insomnia. I want to attempt to find a way to just naturally fall asleep. I envy people that can just lay down and like fall asleep moments after their head hits the pillow.

One thing I like about blogging is Im hoping it will help me with my insomnia. It definitely gives me something to do so I dont just lay in bed worrying about shit. Its alot on my mind right at the moment so typing my inner thoughts is a good outlet for me, feels kind of therapeutic

At the moment For one Im worried about my friend, wondering if he's sleeping well. (I hope so)
Im worried about school and passing my dosage calculations class.  I want to buy a gun for protection so If someone EVER tries to break into my house I can blow that mf right back out the door. Also I have hiccups that wont go away and thats irritating.


I bet if I pick up that nursing dosage calculations book and start trying to study my problems I BET I would get sleepy than.

Im feeling very random and just all over the place but such is life. I would love a good back scratch right now, they feel like heaven. Its 4:23 now. I ate a whole row of oreos and now Im gonna try to lay down and see if sleep comes. 

until than....

LOVE

THE LUST LIST- Shoes

OK so I thought I had deleted my shoe blog but I checked and it was still in my drafts YAY!!!




There is nothing like a nice sexy pair of shoes. I <3 shoes, specifically pumps and stiletto's and here's my picks for 2012. Same rules apply. They go from bitch please to go ahead treat yourself. Lets start with the bitch pleases.

The Christian Louboutin Stud embellished lace and metallic leather pumps. I mean need I even say anything? Words cant describe the hotness level of this shoe. Studs, lace, red bottoms and a high stiletto heel all in one? They're $1495 and in the bitch please category. I wont be wearing these either until Im a ballin ass RN. But a girl can dream cant she?

Prada Patent Leather Flame Slingback Pumps... Yeah I know it might look a little weird . But I like weird. Im sure the cutouts all over the shoe contrast really well with the skin on your foot and look at that little airplane wing thing on the back! LOL. Yes yes and more yes. I would rock the hell out of this shoe. Its $990 though and in the BP

category. 

Dior Gradient Python Peep Toe Platform pumps. Unique, different, and Im sure they look amazing with dark denim. They are also $990. Wont be walking around in these anytime soon. This shoe concludes the bitch please category for this particular blog. Next we move on to the if you deserve it category.

*DID YOU EARN IT*

This is the Giuseppe Zanotti Snake Print Metallic Leather Pump. This would be awesome with a fitted pencil skirt or a sexy little black dress. Its $750 and its in the earn it category. When I graduate I can have these simply because I made it and got that degree.

Next up is the Fendi superstar metallic platform pump. Its $635, its an awesome shoe and I love the monogram logo on the heel. I dont care too much for designer shoes that have the logo plastered all over. This is subtle but it still says hey hoe I got on some hot Fendi shoes. This can go with anything and these are also in the earn it category.

Gucci Noah Animal Print Pony Hair and leather d'orsay pumps. These are $695, in the earn it category. Do I need to say why I like them? I mean its freaking Pony hair and leather for crying out loud. #FANCY

 

 

Gucci Charlotte Peep Toe Wedge Pumps. I dont own many flat shoes at all but I would rock these. These are $495 and you can throw these on if you want to be fly but comfortable. Jeans shorts capri's or whatever would be fine to wear these with. These are under $500 but I still feel like they need to be in the earn it category because I dont need to be walking around in Gucci flats til I've walked across that damn college stage to get.... you guessed it. MY DEGREE




its 1:00 am. Im tired. I got more shoes I like but Im done for tonight. The shoes I post tomorrow will be shoes I can afford at the current moment in my life as a little treat.
Im out. Im not proofreading this either.

LOVE

THE LUST LIST- Bags

Goodness, I've already been excited just because of spring and summer fashion but I always get excited about my lust list.

The lust list is all the things I want right at this moment but I cant have, to include bags, shoes, and jewelry. This blog has the possibility to get kind of longwinded so Im going to break it into two blogs. A bag blog and a shoe/jewelry blog
.
Currently here's what I desire and the categories. They go in order from bitch please to yeah thats do-able but you have to deserve it, to yeah you can get that for yourself for your birthday maybe. Lets go.

*BAGS* 

The Gucci 1970 Medium Python Shoulder Bag.

 I mean just LOOK at it. Its $3950.00 This is in the bitch please category. I can only have this once I have actually LANDED a nursing job. And not only do I have to have landed the job, I think I have to have gotten a nursing sign on bonus or something of that matter as well as actually been in my position for atleast 6 months.

Actually on 2nd thought. Fuck that bag. Im not ever spending $3950 on a bag I dont care if I run the damn hospital. Its nice to look at though.

Moving on. The patent leather louis vuitton bag. Its $2300.00  I love it because its just HOT. And durable... You dont have to worry about the wear and tear of a canvas bag. I have a gucci hobo and I tore that bad boy up. I would post a pic but naw. Well maybe I will post a pic.....lol. But bag lovers nationwide would just slander me for the way I treated that bag. Anyway, I would whip my own ass if I brought a bag like that right now. This isnt in the bitch please category but its in the motto category. My motto is if you dont have the amount of money you paid for the bag INSIDE the bag or your bank account. You cant have it. Nope. You just cant.

With that being said we move to The GG Twins Guccissima large hobo bag. She's $1260 and she's in the you earned it category.
I can get myself this type of bag when I graduate nursing school. Like hey chick you worked hard and passed the N-clex. You're officially licensed to be a registered nurse. Go treat yourself.

The Last 2 we have are the Marc by Marc Jacobs Classic Q Fran tote bag for $448

And the Marc by Marc Jacob CLASSIC Q Hillier HOBO HANDBAG. This is probably my favorite affordable bag for the moment. I love hobo and shoulder bags, and this is both combined. If things go right I'd like to get this one for my birthday. Its $448 but its a nice soft leather and I love the logo inside the bag. 

*update* its 12:41 and I just spent about 30 minutes on my other shoe lust list blog I was working on and I made a mistake and deleted it somehow. Im pissed now and I dont feel like finishing this bag blog. Im not even gonna proofread this one.
BYE